TVGeek: Heroes Reborn

This will be the shortest review I’ve ever written: Yuck.

Okay, not quite that short. Look, I loved the first season of Heroes. It was amazing, transcendent television, worthy of binging any weekend. The second season fell off a cliff, and the third season never got back on its feet. It was sad, but I did not mourn when they put it out of our misery.

So I was tentatively excited for its rebirth, even though I knew all the gold-plated latinum in the universe wouldn’t lure Hayden Panettiere away from Nashville.

And I barely made it through the pilot.

It’s like they took all the worst parts of season three and mashed it up with a horrible stereotypical Asian-fetish subplot and then threw it in a video game for extra eyerolls.

Every time the idiot gamer showed up at the stereotype’s door and watched her jump into a goddamn video game - to rescue her father, natch - I wanted to fast-forward. Plus Mohinder was now a villain - or was he? - and no sign of Hiro, Matt Parkman or the Petrellis, though I hear they show up later. Zachary Levi shows up, which provided a brief moment of fun, but really, not enough. CultureGeek Junior was out the moment he saw his hero Chuck as a bad guy. “Do not want,” he declared.

I suffered through the first hour. I have no interest in going back unless someone tells me I gave up too soon. I’ll rewatch Season One instead.